


I've Got You

by RobinsonsWereHere



Category: Psych (TV 2006)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Guilt, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Jules needs a hug, Juliet O'Hara Whump, Male-Female Friendship, Miscarriage, Misplaced Guilt, Nausea, Vomiting, Whump, Whumptober 2020, i've got you, post-episode: s05e016 Yang 3 in 2D
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:15:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26875795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RobinsonsWereHere/pseuds/RobinsonsWereHere
Summary: Everyone makes it out unscathed from the final battle against Yin.Well, more or less.Juliet is fine. Really, she is. The EMTs are just paranoid, that's all. Abdominal cramping is far from unusual in a woman's life. She didn't even go up against Yin or Yang, anyway-- why isn't anyone worried over Shawn and Gus?As it turns out, she's a little less fine than she'd thought. But in all fairness, it's not something she would ever have expected.
Relationships: Burton "Gus" Guster & Shawn Spencer, Carlton Lassiter & Juliet O'Hara, Juliet O'Hara/Shawn Spencer
Comments: 26
Kudos: 41
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	I've Got You

**Author's Note:**

> Good morning everyone and welcome to a fic I've been writing for almost a month! TBF I took a break and wrote like a dozen other things but still. This is a big one, and I'm proud of it.

Juliet sits still as the paramedic examines her, but her mind is far from the back of the ambulance. She watches Carlton, pacing the scene and glaring at a now-cuffed Allison Cowley. She searches for Shawn, finding him in the shadow of the ambulance a few yards away from her, patiently waiting his turn as the EMTs examine Gus. She doesn’ t want to be here; she doesn’t need medical attention. She should be helping Carlton get Allison and Yang to the station, or comforting Shawn, making sure he and Gus are okay…

“Detective, can you hear me?”

She turns her attention back to the paramedic in front of her. “Yes, sorry. I just zoned out.”

“Well, head trauma isn’t out of the question,” the young woman mutters, eyeing the fresh bandages on her forehead critically.

“I feel fine,” Juliet insists. “Can I go now, please? I have work to be doing.”

“Not yet,” the medic tells her. “I don’t really like the look of your vitals, although some of that may be adrenaline. On a scale of one to ten, how much pain are you in right now?”

Sighing, Juliet closes her eyes and mentally catalogs. Her wrist is throbbing. Her head pulses. There’s an insistent, cramping pain in her lower abdomen. It’s funny how much she doesn’t notice in the middle of a life-or-death situation.

“Uh…” she thinks for a moment longer, feeling exhaustion sweep over her. She stops thinking. “Six.”

“Six, gotcha. And where would you say the worst pain is?”

“Probably my arm.” She offers her right wrist. “And my head and my stomach are about the same.”

The medic pauses in her examination of Juliet’s wrist. “Your stomach? Closer to your ribs or your hips?”

“Hips.” Juliet makes a face. “Honestly, it could just be PMS, it’s about time for that.”

“Well, after the night you’ve had, I don’t want to bet on that,” her medic says. “I already want you under observation for concussion, and I’d like to do some x-rays as well, and keep an eye out for internal bleeding. Get comfy--” she gestures for Juliet to lift her legs up onto the stretcher-- “we’re gonna need to get you into the hospital.”

Juliet groans. “I have things to do…”

“Not tonight, you don’t.” The medic waves cheerily and rolls the stretcher back into the ambulance.

\---

Carlton is finally able to head to the hospital once Allison Cowley is booked and locked in the holding cells. At the front desk he learns that Guster is alright, having been patched up by the doctors, but he’s much more interested in finding O’Hara. After being directed toward her room, he finds her resting on an exam table, her eyes half-closed and her jacket discarded over one of the chairs. Her sleeves are rolled up, and he sees a wrap on her right wrist and a bandage over her left elbow, the kind of gauzy one you get after having blood taken.

He raps gently on the doorframe. “Hey. How are you doing?”

Juliet jolts up, and she smiles at him, but she looks a little pale. “I’m alright. I’m fine.”

Scoffing gently, he sits on the chair not occupied by her jacket. “I don’t think any of us are.”

She sits up straighter as if she’s just remembered something. “Hey, any news about Shawn and Gus?”

“They’re both fine, I asked when I came in,” he tells her. “What about you? What’s the doctor saying?”

Juliet shrugs. “I sprained my wrist. Nothing’s broken. They’re doing blood work, although I’m not sure why. Something about internal bleeding. Oh, and apparently I don’t have a concussion. Which is good.”

Carlton snorts. “Small mercies.”

“Tonight could’ve been a lot worse,” she says quietly.

Even he can’t suppress a shudder. “God. It could have.”

“You got everything settled at the station?” He can see the need for reassurance in her wide blue eyes.

“Everything except the mountains of paperwork,” he tells her. “I got here as soon as I could. I was worried about you.”

“I’m fine,” she repeats, but her voice is dull and quiet. “I just… I can’t believe this is over. He’s dead. She’s locked up. We might finally get to wake up from this nightmare.”

Carlton scrubs a hand over his face. “About damn time.”

They lapse into silence after that. He’s sure O’Hara is exhausted-- hell, _he’s_ exhausted, and he hadn’t exactly played the largest role of the night. As she closes her eyes again, he watches her, searching for any signs of injury she might be hiding, anything she hasn’t told him. He remembers the dawn on the clocktower, remembers her insisting she was fine until it became clear that she wasn’t. He doesn’t want a repeat of that.

Both of them are startled when a knock comes at the door. “Come in,” Juliet calls out, and a doctor walks in.

“Detective O’Hara,” the doctor says calmly, “hello. I’m Dr. Schultz. Sorry you’re having a rough night tonight.”

Juliet stretches and offers her hand to the doctor, giving a smile that Carlton knows to be false. “Well, thank you for getting me sorted out. Do I really need to stay here overnight?”

“I’m afraid so,” Dr. Schultz says. He glances at the laptop in his other hand, and seems to hesitate. He turns toward Carlton. “Sorry, I didn’t get your name, you are…”

“Detective Lassiter,” he says gruffly. “I’m her partner.”

The doctor nods. His eyes flick from Carlton’s badge to Juliet’s. “Oh, not romantically.”

“No, no,” Juliet says quickly, a blush rising in her cheeks.

Carlton winces. “Definitely not.”

Dr. Schultz nods again. “Well, ah, Detective O’Hara, you may not want anyone who’s not close family in here right now. Just to preserve doctor-patient confidentiality.”

Carlton prepares to leave, but Juliet shakes her head. “No, he can stay. We’re close.”

This clearly throws the doctor off guard, but he nods after a moment. “Alright then…” he scrolls a bit on his computer. “Detective-- sorry, is Juliet alright?”

She nods in the affirmative.

“Okay.” He looks up at her, and even Carlton is on edge, cataloguing every bit of body language from both of them. “Juliet, I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but based on your bloodwork results and the symptoms you’ve described… you’re having a miscarriage.”

\---

Juliet doesn’t hear what the doctor says at first. She listens to the words, she even nods automatically, but it takes a moment for her to process what’s been said. 

_Miscarriage._

_You’re having a miscarriage._

That can’t be right.

Juliet blinks, opening and closing her mouth. “What?” she asks. Her voice cracks. She doesn’t know why.

“You likely sustained abdominal trauma during your fight,” the doctor says gently. “I understand you were wearing protective gear, but that only does so much. It’s what we call a traumatic miscarriage.”

“But I’m not--” Juliet swallows. “I would know if I was…”

“That’s not necessarily true,” her doctor says, still with the same calm tone of voice. “Your blood work indicates you were no farther than seven or eight weeks pregnant. Some women can make it through the first trimester without realizing, if it’s something they’re not expecting.”

Well.

She certainly wasn’t expecting any of this.

She looks around the room, anywhere but at the doctor. Her gaze falls on Carlton, who looks shocked. She meets his wide stare. 

She swallows hard, trying to think of something to say. As it turns out, it’s not needed.

“I’ll give you a few minutes,” Dr. Schultz says.

Explaining this to Carlton is hardly any easier when they’re alone, but the alternative is getting lost in her own reeling mind, so Juliet tries. The exam table paper crinkles as she clenches her hands into fists. She pulls her knees to her chest, trying to take a deep breath, or just a breath at all.

“O’Hara.” It’s not until she feels his hand on her back that she realizes Carlton has crossed the room to sit next to her. “Juliet?”

She lifts her head as his voice trails off, looking up to find him staring at her with shock and worry. This time she does manage to breathe deeply, though it’s shaky. She starts talking mainly to keep herself from crying.

“Shawn and I are dating,” she begins, because that’s the easiest part of this to think about. “We-- It’s been about four months. I think I love him, and that seems like a lot, for four months, but I think I’ve been in love with him for much longer than that.”

Shock is definitely the prevalent emotion on Carlton’s face now. It takes a minute for him to speak. “Wow. You and… you and Spencer.”

Juliet nods, knowing this is a big bombshell to drop on him. Although, considering the one that’s already been dropped…

“So he’s--” Carlton’s brow is furrowed, like he’s trying to answer a confusing question. “You… you’re… he’s the…”

She nods slowly. She can’t blame him for not knowing what to say, this isn’t something she ever thought she’d have to deal with…

“I had no idea,” she whispers. “I don’t know-- I don’t know what I would’ve, or _could’ve,_ done differently if I had known. I… I can’t even get my head around this.”

Carlton looks very uncomfortable with all of this, but still, he sits next to her, watching her worriedly with his piercing blue gaze. “Is there anything I can do?”

Right now, Juliet wants to be alone, to have some time to think… she closes her eyes as she searches for a polite way to ask for that. “Could you-- would you mind getting me a hot coffee?” A warm drink surely can’t make her feel _worse._

“Sure.” Carlton rises quickly, stretching a bit. “Will you be okay by yourself?”

She nods wordlessly. She’s not okay, not really. But there’s no point in pointing that out when they both clearly know it.

As Carlton leaves, the nurse Juliet had first seen comes in. She suppresses a groan; she had really been hoping for time to herself. But it turns out the nurse is only here to move her to her overnight room. The large hospital bed, Juliet must admit, is much more comfortable.

When she finally is alone, Juliet curls up in the corner of the bed, the tilted back of it the only thing keeping her upright. She closes her eyes and takes deep breaths, forcing herself to focus on the… miscarriage.

_I was pregnant. Two months pregnant. And I didn’t know._

Searching her memories, Juliet can’t find anything that should’ve clued her in, not really. She’d had beers on dates with Shawn with no issue. There had been no morning sickness, no fatigue… the only clue was her period, which she was more than happy with the absence of.

_What would I have done if I had known?_

Honestly, the fight with Allison had been pure survival instinct. She’s not sure she could’ve gotten out of there any better than she had. And it certainly could’ve been worse. But thinking more generally…

_I want kids. I guess I want kids with Shawn. But… now?_

They’ve only been dating since October. She’s just told Carlton, and Karen doesn’t even know, and she wouldn’t have told anyone, not yet, if it weren’t for tonight’s disaster.

She’s not in a place in her life where she wants to have a baby now.

Juliet ducks her head into her knees, tears trailing down her face.

_I wouldn’t have kept this baby, anyway._

Somehow, that doesn’t make her feel any better.

\---

“C’mon, Gus, the desk lady said she’s this way,” Shawn calls, making a ‘hurry’ motion to his lethargic best friend. “Hey, you doing okay?”

“I’m fine, Shawn,” Gus grumbles, “I’m just choosing to take it slow. Due to, y’know, the concussion? The fight with the serial killer? All of the above?”

Shawn slows to match his friend’s pace, frowning at the ground. “Yeah, it’s been a hard night. You have no idea how happy I am that you’re okay. I just… I’m worried about Jules. Surely she should’ve been released before us, right?”

“You never know,” Gus counters, shrugging. “She looked a little more beat up than us. Or maybe they’re waiting on x-rays.”

The explanation doesn’t satisfy Shawn. He squints at the whiteboards outside each room. “Then why are we in an overnight wing? On the cancer ward, no less?”

“What?” Gus smacks his lips. “That’s oncology, Shawn. This is obstetrics.”

“I’ve heard it both ways.’ Shawn continues scanning the doors for Juliet’s room number. “What’s obstetrics again?” 

Gus frowns, not answering. “Wait… why _would_ she be in obstetrics?”

Oblivious to his best friend’s confusion, Shawn pushes open the door, having located Juliet’s room. “Hey Jules! How are we doing, what’s going on…” his first instinct is to stay happy and upbeat, as always, but when he sees his girlfriend, curled up in the big hospital bed, pale and clearly shaken, he trails off. “Jules?” he asks, more quietly. “What’s wrong?”

She looks up at him, and he can tell she’s been crying, but she just shakes her head slightly, her posture relaxing. Shawn carefully joins her on the bed, sitting mostly on the side of it and wrapping an arm over her shoulders. “Juliet? Are you okay?”

“I…” her voice is almost inaudible, and it isn’t helped by her burying her face in his shoulder. “Shawn, I’m having a miscarriage.”

Shawn blinks, trying to place the word.

_Oh._

Suddenly, he remembers what obstetrics is.

_Oh, god._

Feeling like he’s been punched in the stomach, Shawn gently cups Juliet’s cheek, lifting her face to look at him. “But-- but that means you were…”

She nods, tears beginning to fall, clearly not for the first time. “I didn’t know, Shawn, I promise. I would’ve told you if I’d known.”

“Of course, baby, of course,” he soothes, kissing her forehead. “I guess that doesn’t matter now.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispers.

“Juliet, sweetheart, no. You have nothing to be sorry for. You saved my life tonight. You saved _Gus’_ life, which is, like, even more important.”

She laughs at first, but the sound soon turns to a sob. Shawn says nothing, only pulling her into his arms. He rests his cheek against her soft hair, squeezing his eyes shut. There’s a strange knot in his chest, and he’s not quite ready to unpack it yet. He just… wouldn’t have expected to be hurt this much by a loss he shouldn’t even miss. He doesn’t want kids. They hadn’t even known. So why does it feel like his chest is being squeezed mercilessly by an invisible fist?

“We’re gonna be okay,” he promises, his voice breaking. “I..”

The rest of ‘I love you’ is on the tip of his tongue. But he’s a coward, as always, too scared and shaken up to say it. “I’m right here, Jules,” he finishes. “I’ve got you. We’re gonna be okay.”

They stay like that for a while. Juliet cries, and even when he thinks she’s stopped, she keeps her face pressed into his shoulder and her fists stay curled into his t-shirt. Shawn stares across the room at Gus, sure his confusion, shock, and dismay is clear to his friend. Gus wears an expression of both worry and sympathy. It occurs to Shawn that Gus being here might be awkward to Jules, but honestly, he’s happy to have his best friend. He can’t be a lifeline for Jules if he doesn’t have one himself.

It’s a little selfish, yeah. Gus being here is awkward for him and Jules both, and after the night they’ve had, Gus deserves to go home and sleep well. But since they’d been tied up in that study, Shawn hasn’t let Gus out of his sight. 

When someone knocks at the door, Shawn looks to Juliet, who sits up a bit and calls for whoever it is to come in. He’s surprised to see his dad, who, for whatever reason, looks almost as surprised to see him.

“There you are,” Henry rumbles, his normally brash voice quiet as a concession to the environment. “What’s going on, Shawn? I’ve been looking for you. The doc said he discharged you, so c’mon. Let’s go home.”

Shawn can’t think of a worse option, and finds himself curling tighter around Juliet. “Nah. Jules has to stay overnight, and I’m gonna stay with her.”

A rare flicker of concern shows in his father’s eyes. “What’s the matter? Are you doing okay, Juliet?”

She manages a smile, which Shawn is thoroughly impressed by. “Oh, you know. I got thrown around a bit, so they want to keep me for observation. Should be just tonight.”

Henry nods, looking satisfied with the explanation. “Well, I hope there’s nothing wrong.” He turns to Gus, which is good, because Juliet flinches at his words. “Gus? Do you want a ride home?”

Gus gives Shawn a worried look, but Shawn silently waves him off. “If it’s not too far out of your way, that would be great, Mr. Spencer,” he says.

“The only thing that’s out of my way is being awake past midnight,” Henry grumbles. “C’mon. Let’s go.”

\---

Carlton doesn’t hurry down the hall of the hospital-- he never hurries-- but his pace is brisk as he heads for O’Hara’s room. He’d gone to the starbucks down the street in the hopes of cheering her up-- she’d told him once that their sugary, foamy coffees were her favorite guilty pleasure-- and the line had been full of hospital workers just getting off the night shift. Now, carrying some sort of frappa-whatever for his partner and the plainest coffee they had for himself, he shoulders open the door to her room.

“I got Starbucks,” he says, then stops short at the sight before him. O’Hara is curled in a cat-like position he recognizes from their later work nights, but she’s leaning against Spencer in an unmistakably intimate embrace. The man in question has wrapped himself almost protectively around her, his face buried in O’Hara’s hair.

She’d told him they were… _together,_ yes, and the horrible events of the night are proof of the romance between them, but there is quite a difference in knowing and seeing.

Juliet straightens, smiling and beckoning him forward, which reminds him that his feet do indeed move, and he manages to cross the room to hand over the coffee. Spencer is sitting up now, too, his posture stiff and his expression guarded. Carlton gives him a brief nod. “Spencer.”

“I told him,” Juliet murmurs, drawing Shawn’s arm back over her shoulders. Spencer relaxes into her again, and she turns her attention back to Carlton. “Thank you for the coffee, Carlton, I really appreciate it. Hospital coffee would’ve been fine.”

“No, it wouldn’t,” he says simply. “That stuff is watered-down scum. I thought I should get you something you would actually enjoy.”

“Thank you,” she says again, and to his surprise, she takes his arm and pulls him closer, encouraging him to sit on the edge of her bed. He’s not quite sure what she wants, but after a little maneuvering and some squirming from everyone, they’re all three on the bed, Juliet sitting with Shawn wrapped around her and her head resting on Carlton’s shoulder.

He thinks he understands. She needs them both, not one or the other, especially now. On a night like tonight, his rivalry with Spencer seems foolish. Honestly, the man is decent, when he’s not making a spectacle of himself. If he makes Juliet happy, Carlton thinks he could stand having him around a little more.

The room is silent, but that’s perfectly alright with him. He moves a hand to Juliet’s back, feeling like he should offer some gesture of comfort, and when she doesn’t object he rubs her back slowly, in a motion that soon becomes subconscious. A heavy exhaustion settles over him. He can’t believe he hadn’t realized how tired he was.

Carlton is somewhere between awake and asleep when someone knocks on the door, then opens it. The doctor from earlier comes in, looking caught off-guard by the three of them.

“Hello again, Juliet…” Dr. Schultz says. “Ah, is this your… boyfriend?”

It feels odd to hear him called that, and Carlton can’t suppress an automatic scowl, but no one else notices. Spencer introduces himself to the doctor. “Yeah, I am. I, uh… Jules told me about what’s going on.”

“My condolences,” says the doctor. “Juliet, I’ve got some meds here for you that should help make sure the miscarriage is complete. I won’t lie, they will probably make you feel a bit worse, but I’m sure we’d all prefer that to any infection or other complication if your body doesn’t finish this on its own.”

O’Hara nods wordlessly, taking the cup and small plastic water bottle. “Should I just take these now?”

“Yes,” he confirms. “The sooner you take them, the sooner this is over. Now, some of the side effects I should warn you about-- this will probably make the cramping a bit worse, and you may feel some nausea. Also, I’m sorry, but we can’t offer you any of the normal painkillers-- those tend to have anticoagulant side effects, and the last thing you need right now is more blood loss.” He gives her a smile that Carlton assumes is supposed to be reassuring, though he’s not sure how anyone could be reassured by that speech. “But don’t worry-- if the pain is much worse than anticipated, we can give you something stronger. These will help you, Juliet.”

O’Hara sets aside the water bottle, now half empty, and returns to her coffee. “Thank you.”

Dr. Schultz nods. “The nurses and technicians you saw earlier will come by regularly to check up on you. Again, I’m very sorry for your loss.”

The first few minutes after he leaves pass in near silence, the only sound that of Juliet slurping the dregs of her coffee. Soon after she finishes it, she gently nudges Carlton. “‘Scuse me,” she says, “I drank that too fast, I need to find the ladies’ room.”

He lets her off the bed, and Spencer gestures to a door off the side of the room. “There’s a private one right there, Jules.”

After O’Hara disappears, the silence grows steadily more awkward. Of course, Spencer is the one to break it.

“So, uh… Jules told you about us.”

Carlton winces, though he thinks he hides it well. He really doesn’t want to have this conversation now… or ever. “Yup,” he says, popping the ‘p’. “She mentioned it.”

Shawn gets up, the loss of weight making the whole bed shift slightly. He begins to pace the small room, and Carlton instinctually tracks his movement. “I guess it’s been a long time coming,” he says. “The relationship is new, but the feelings aren’t. The thing is, the feelings are what scares me.”

At this, Carlton frowns. “Spencer… you’d better not chicken out of this. Not with her.”

The other man laughs mirthlessly. “Or you’ll shoot me?”

“I will,” he mutters. “I care a lot about O’Hara. If you hurt her…”

“I won’t, Lassie,” Shawn swears. “I could never. I…” he swallows. “I think I’m in this for the long haul.”

Carlton squints at him, but for once, there’s not a hint of levity in his tone or expression. After all, he seems to have lost his capacity for jokes tonight.

“Well, then,” he finally says, awkwardly. “Good.” He nods sharply. “That’s good.”

Spencer sits heavily back down on the bed, and they both stay silent for the few seconds before the bathroom door cracks open once again. O’Hara comes out looking even more drained than five minutes ago, if that’s possible.

“Hey, Shawn,” she sighs, “would you mind going to my apartment and getting me a change of clothes? I could use something cozy, and, well…” she huffs again. “I’ve sort of bled through everything I’m wearing.”

Shawn and Carlton both wince at that, but O’Hara is kind enough to ignore it.

“Sure thing,” Shawn answers. “You want your Miami sweats? One of my tshirts? I’ll grab some of the super soft throw blankets from the couch.”

O’Hara murmurs something in the affirmative, and leans to kiss Spencer quickly. Carlton looks away, caught off-guard.

This might just be the most surreal part of the night. They’re… dating. They’re acting like they’re dating. It’s odd. He’s not sure he likes it. But then again, it doesn’t matter what he thinks.

He looks up when he realizes Spencer has said his name. “What?”

“You’re good to stay with Jules, right? This shouldn’t take me more than like forty-five minutes.”

“Of course,” he says. He looks to O’Hara. “Are you okay with that?”

She nods, her brow wrinkling. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well, I don’t know, but--” Carlton stumbles over his words. “I just thought-- given the nature of your, um, issue, you might want your--”

She stops him with a hand on his arm. “Hey, if you’re uncomfortable here…”

“No, not at all,” he insists. “Well, yes, a little, but I’ll stay as long as you want me. I’m here for you. That’s what partners do.”

She gives him a smile, the first real one he’s seen all night. “Thank you, Carlton.” She looks back at Spencer. “And thank you. I’ll see you soon.”

He drops one more kiss to her forehead. “I’ll be right back.”

\---

Juliet closes her eyes, leaning back against Carlton, his shoulder her pillow and his arm around her shoulders. She’s exhausted, and she’d love to fall asleep, but between the nausea growing in her stomach and the throbbing ache below it, she’s too miserable to do so. Closing her eyes makes everything worse, and she opens them again with a groan.

Her partner frowns down at her. “What’s the matter?”

“I feel sick,” she murmurs.

He nods. “The doctor said something about that.” 

“I remember.”

“Are you going to-- do you want me to get a trash can?”

“I hope not,” she sighs, glad he hadn’t outright said it. “But maybe. Just in case.”

Carlton leaves her to drag the small, plastic-lined trash can from under the counter, and when he returns, she’s sitting more upright, her knees drawn to her chest. He joins her on the bed again, and she groans.

“Do you want your hair out of the bun?”

She’s surprised he noticed, and realized it might be uncomfortable. In fact, the hairpins are probably largely to blame for her headache. “I… I dunno, I’ll probably want it back in a minute or so.”

“I’ll hold it for you,” he says, matter-of-factly, and then begins to take it down. Juliet can’t help a happy sigh.

“That feels nice.”

“Good,” he murmurs. When the bun is fully loose, he rubs her back gently, and that feels nice, too. Except…

Juliet leans forward, her head between her knees. “Okay, I’m gonna need that trash can.”

Carlton holds her hair back while she gets sick. He doesn’t say anything, but his hand on her back comforts her all the same.

She makes a whimpering noise and slowly lifts herself back up, rolling over and curling up in a ball, pressing her face into the pillows. “I hate this. I hate it so much.”

“I’m sorry,” Carlton says, still rubbing her back. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Just stay with me,” she murmurs, reaching to pull him closer. “I don’t want to be alone.”

He nods. “I’m not going anywhere,” he promises. “I’ve got you.”

\---

Shawn hurries back to the hospital as quickly as he can, and yes, he does run a few red lights. He’ll have Jules get him out of the ticket. The elevator is too slow, so he takes all four flights of stairs as fast as he can, though he’s more than winded by the top. Honestly, the time he spends slumped against the wall probably takes up any time he saved by not waiting.

Still, he soon makes it to Juliet’s room again, wincing at the retching he can hear even from outside. The meds had indeed had side effects, then.

“Hey, Jules,” he says softly, slipping through the door. “How are we holding up?”

“I’ve been better,” she groans, her head still between her knees.

Shawn makes eye contact with Lassiter, who’s holding Juliet’s hair and rubbing her back. _Thank you,_ he mouths. Lassiter nods, and Shawn might be imagining things, but he thinks he almost sees respect in the head detective’s gaze.

No, he’s gotta be imagining things.

“How’s this, babe?” Shawn asks, carrying the duffel bag over when Juliet sits up. He’s brought her gray sweats with a peeling-off MPD logo, his red Guns ‘n’ Roses t-shirt, a fluffy pink throw blanket she’s had since college, and…

Shawn cracks a smile as Juliet pulls out the last item, laughing softly. “Shawn, is this the one from Canada?” She hugs the stuffed bear to her chest.

“Of course.” He tries for a grin. “We share custody, y’know. I thought you would want him for tonight.”

“Wait, what…” Lassie looks confused, and Shawn has to stifle a laugh at the thought of Juliet explaining the bear’s origin to him. “Actually, I don’t want to know.”

Shawn does laugh at that, because it brings to mind the image of a postcard from Las Vegas. _What happens in Canada stays in Canada._

“Well, um, I’m gonna change,” Juliet says, giving Lassiter an apologetic look. He hurriedly stands up. “Right. Of course. I guess I should be heading home, anyway. Or back to the station.”

“Carlton.” Juliet winces as she stands, and Shawn winces at the thought of how much pain she must be hiding. “Thank you for tonight, really. You didn’t have to stay, but you did. And it helped me a lot to have you here.”

He scoffs a bit. “You don’t mean that; you’re strong. You would’ve been fine without me.”

Even Shawn has to shake his head at that. He can tell Jules is doing much better with help from Lassie, and besides, he wouldn’t have left her for any reason had she not had her partner with her. He’s helped both of them. But this is not Shawn’s time to speak, so he stays silent.

Juliet leans into Carlton, wrapping him in a hug. “No. I would’ve been a miserable mess… even more so than right now. Thank you, partner.”

“Of course,” he says, awkwardly returning the hug. “You know I’ve got your back.”

“And don’t go keep working, okay?” Juliet finally releases him from the hug. “Go home, get some rest. You deserve it.”

The head detective nods. “Yeah. You rest up, too.”

After Lassie leaves, and Juliet dresses, Shawn joins her once more on the hospital bed. She cuddles into his arms, and then a nurse comes to check on her. But when they’re finally alone, Shawn holds her close and wraps them in blankets.

He appreciates how close Jules and Lassie are, and he’s glad they’ve been able to tag-team tonight. Still, it’s nice to finally be alone with his girlfriend. Shawn had expected to be happy when they didn’t have to hide anymore, but he does like having her all to himself.

“Are you feeling any better, Jules?” he asks softly.

“Not much,” she sighs. “Well, actually, I don’t feel so sick anymore. But I swear every bone in my body hurts.”

“That sucks,” he murmurs, stroking her hair. “Honestly, everything about tonight sucks. The only good thing about tonight is that Gus didn’t die. That’s how low the bar is.”

Juliet hums in agreement. 

“Well, really,” Shawn says, pretty much rambling now, “tonight is responsible for Gus almost dying and him surviving. So I guess that cancels out. Nothing good has happened tonight.”

He expects Juliet to play along, remind him that ‘tonight’ isn’t an actual being who’s responsible for their troubles. Well, he would expect that under normal circumstances. These aren’t normal circumstances.

As it is, she stays quiet as she rests on him, so still and silent that he thinks she might have finally drifted off. But after a while, she speaks.

“Shawn,” she asks quietly, “do you want kids?”

He blinks, stricken dumb for a minute by the unexpected question. “Jules, do you-- do you really wanna talk about this _now?”_ He can’t imagine this being anything but painful for both of them.

“I can’t stop thinking about it,” she admits. “I don’t-- I think, if things had gone differently… I don’t think I would’ve kept this baby,” she whispers. “I don’t think we’re ready. But that doesn’t make me feel any better.”

“Of course not,” Shawn murmurs. “This is rough, Jules. This isn’t something you should ever have to deal with.”

She looks up at him with somber blue eyes and repeats her question. “Do you want kids?”

“I want a family,” he answers. “People who love me. Maybe that will include kids, maybe not. But like you said, we’re definitely not ready right now. Right now, I don’t want kids. That’s just-- that’s not gonna happen anytime soon. But…” he looks down at her, lifting her hand to his lips. “I can’t say never. Not to you.”

Juliet curls into him even tighter, taking her hand back to wrap him in a hug. “Stay with me.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Jules.”

He feels her nod against him. “Good. I need you.”

“I need you too.”

“Hold me tighter?”

He pulls her closer, kissing her hair. “I’ve got you, Jules. I’m not going anywhere.”

She hums softly, and when he looks down, he sees her eyes are closed.

Good. She deserves a rest.

Come to think of it, he’s pretty tired, too.

For a few minutes, he watches Juliet’s chest rise and fall slowly, until he’s satisfied she’s asleep.

And soon after that… well, he doesn’t exactly have to count sheep tonight.

After the night they’ve had, a dreamless sleep is about the best way to end it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I love to see comments and kudos, and you can find me on tumblr at bijulesspencerohara !


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